When You Don't Fit In And When You Do

It's been a bit of a rough day so far.

Home was great.

Work was going great...I thought.  And then I got called into the "principal's" office.  Apparently there has been a complaint.  The whole conversation ended with, "You're a great employee, you're fast, you have a great attitude, and that's why I held off on this conversation."

It's strange.  This whole thing has me feeling a very wide range of emotions.  I'm completely caught off guard, I'm mad, I'm hurt, I'm annoyed, I'm confused. (Can my defensive side insert here that this is THE first time I've ever gotten a complaint about me?)

This lady (who complained) and I work very closely.  Remember that I'm on a learning curve (Everything here has been done the same way for the last gazillion years.  Everyone here has been here for the last gazillion years.  There isn't a whole lot of turn over.  So, when a new person comes in, they don't know how to train well) and in the past she has pointed out my errors however small they might be.  When she does, I have done my best to correct them.  So when this conversation came from my supervisor, I was shocked.  Why couldn't she just talk to me about it?

Oddly enough, something similar happened to my sister on the West Coast just yesterday.  We've been going back and forth about it.  I finally said, "You know, I love working in a Christian environment, but I feel like I fit in so much better out there."

Now, I don't want to "bad mouth" Christians.  I don't like putting people into broad generalized stereo-types.  All Christians aren't like this.  All secular work environments aren't filled with profanity and crude humor.

I guess what it comes down to is that I have a higher standard for a Christian work environment being that it is filled with Christians.

This got me thinking about "the church".

I read a blog that is all about the anti-norm in church, living in freedom, and finding healing.  She is incredibly honest about her experience in a religious culture.  (Go read her blog now...SO GOOD!)  

How many unbelievers, new believers, or members of a church do you know that think the same thing that I was thinking earlier: "I fit in so much better out there."

As Christians, we are held to a high standard.  We are to be the face of grace. So often we let that standard turn our attitudes into a "better than thou" mindset.  We too easily forget about grace.  As soon as a mistake is made, we write that person off, report it to the higher ups, or whatever.  What good does that do?  Let's not forget that we have all made a mistake a time or two as well.

Jesus died on the cross to save me just as much as he died to save you just as much as he died to save the person you're gossiping about and ultimately alienating.


I grew up in the same church my whole life.  I was comfortable.  I knew everyone.  I was on the worship team.  I was a leader in the youth group.

Now, I've moved 550 miles away from home and am starting over.  Do you know how hard it is to get on the "inside"?  I hate that there even is and "inside".

Isn't it funny how so many more of your insecurities flare up when you're in a place that's unfamiliar? (To be clear, I don't think it's funny...) Suddenly you're not engaging enough, fun enough, athletic enough, and the list goes on...

Please don't misconstrue what I am saying.  I am a member of a wonderful church.  It's very large.  Sometimes, I just think it's good to realize that there are people who want to accepted and to feel safe...just like you did when you were uncomfortable.  Do we really need to make it hard for each other to be accepted?

If we "Christians" could just remember that we are the same as everyone else, that we have been where they have been too, we all just might be able to help each other move closer to Christ.

Today, I was humbled.

I will take a slice of humble pie any day if it keeps my heart focused on my loving Jesus and on loving the people around me.

xoxo,
Linda

Mile Marker 16: Thankful

So excited about CiCi's Pizza!

I have days like today when I am overwhelmingly thankful for my life, the people in my life, and the decisions that have brought me to this.       exact.      moment.

I grew up in a Christian home.  For most of my life, I went to the same church.  In fact, it is really the only church I remember ever going to until college.  My favorite thing that I learned there and the thing that I repeat to EVERYONE (Because I can kiiiiind of  be a broken record and it also applies to. well. everything.) is:

obedience brings the blessing

Now, I am not going to sit here and tell you that I have always been obedient to every single thing that my authority has ever told me. While I was always my parent's perfect little angel and one and only pride and joy (HAH, yeah, I can say that because this blog belongs to me and not my three other siblings), that's just not the truth.

Cool kids on vacation in St. Louis.

I was a typical kid who didn't listen.  It wasn't until my later years in high school and when I graduated that this lesson really sunk in.  

Senior picture with dark hair

Maybe it was because I was freaking out about being an adult or because I'm a pro at learning from other people's mistakes or maybe it was due to the fact that I have an amazing set of parents who showed me that they want the best for me.  Whatever the combination of factors that occurred, it became very important to me that I had not only my parents permission but my parents blessing for the decisions I made. As hard as it might have been, I heeded their instruction when they cautioned me and flat out said "no".

I honestly believe that God blesses obedience. 

He replied, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.”

Luke 11:28  

Basically...
I am beyond thankful for where I am.  I am a people pleaser to the core.  I have wanted the approval of people (and I honestly still do this to an extent) all my life.  As far as college goes, it wasn't until I had really set my priorities straight and figured out how to reach that goal that I could get out from underneath the pressure to stay where I was.

College Graduation

When I think about the different crushes I had growing up (I didn't date because #1 I didn't have anyone asking, but #2 it wasn't allowed in our house), I just think about how I used to try to change myself to be more of what I thought that guy wanted.  (Obviously, that only ended up with me being disappointed when the guy started dating some else.) Now I look at the man that I have been blessed to spend the rest of my life with, and I am SO thankful that I settling for 2nd best wasn't an option.  

The best day of my life.

I just have to share this excerpt from the other night about my sweet sweet man.  We were eating dinner (without the t.v. on which is a rare occurrence with us), and we were talking about our parents, their lives, kids, and all that comes along with it. (In case you haven't heard, we want babies.  Like. Now.)  Kody says, "I just really want to be the kind of dad that tells his kids how proud he is of them."  I mean, GAH! He is going to be the best father.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I have ventured away from my subject and talked about things that weren't in my mind to blog about originally, BUT!  The point is that I am thankful.  I'm thankful to serve a God who is loving, good, and faithful. I'm thankful to have a husband who is patient, kind, and funny.  I'm thankful to have 2 incredible families who are supportive and God-fearing.

I am thankful for my life.

Have you thought about the things in your life that you are thankful for?  What are they?  If you haven't thought about it for a while, do it! It might just change your perspective on things.

xoxo,
Linda