Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Mr. & Mrs. Jordan - 1 Year Later


Marriage is not exactly what I thought it would be, but it's not exactly what I thought it wouldn't be either.

People have asked me from the beginning if I like marriage, if marriage is "weird", if I have adjusted.  And I have honestly answered this question the same way every time.

Marriage feels natural to me.

Have there been some things that I've needed to adjust to? Yes. HECK yes.  Am I fully adjusted? No. HECK no, but I truly believe I have been blessed with an extraordinary man to spend my life with.  He gets me.  He balances me out, and I think I balance him out pretty good too.

I don't think I've quite adjusted to another person being there all the time or having to check with him before making plans.  Maybe that's still my independent streak that tends to flare it's ugly head now and again.   

Ok, so on to the what I've learned part...
Encouragement is a big deal.  Encouragement is not only important to give but to receive.  

My husband is an encourager.  He consistently tells me that I'm beautiful, he takes an interest in my work, he invests in my happiness.  I am an encourager.  I recognize the attributes in him that are unique to him, I push him to move in a situation if he is not happy there, I appreciate the time he devotes to making our lives great.

It was maybe 6 months into our marriage, and we had gotten into an argument.  I don't have the slightest clue what it was about, but it somehow turned into a "you don't do this" and "you don't do that" battle.  

When the tempers had somewhat subsided (you know that point in the argument when you actually start hearing each other?), Kody told me that he needed me to start accepting his encouragement.  (I guess the eye rolls and "no I'm not"s weren't doing it for him. Whaaaaaa?!)   

He wanted and needed to know that I believed what he was saying.  My selfishness, my lack of desire to believe him or to acknowledge acceptance of what he was saying was robbing him of his ability to minister life to me.
You don't need to change everything.  This is something that is very fresh, and that I'm still not sure if I'm 100% okay with.  I struggle with where that line is between complacency and satisfaction.  I'm not sure I know how to just "be" in our marriage yet.  

I am constantly wanting better jobs for us, creating nicer things in our home, building stronger friendships, pursuing greater involvement at church, or planning for an incredible future.  All good things, right?  

Kody is the opposite.  He enjoys life as it is. He has a wife that he loves and that is all he needs. (This quality both drives me nuts and makes me fall head over heels in love all over again.)

I find that my desire to constantly push us forward sometimes turns into me becoming anal about the little things.  My frustration when we aren't moving as quickly as I would like (patience...I'm working on it) turns into me wanting to change everything (or the things I can control).  

Well, guess what?  Everything isn't important.  Don't get caught up in the nitty gritty details of every day life.  It's not the snapshot, it's the video.  (Sunday, Kody and I attended a membership class at our church.  Our lifegroup leader actually taught the class and he introduced me to this illustration.)  What matters isn't the "snapshot".  If someone were to just take a single picture of your life, that picture wouldn't properly portray the progress you've made from day 1 to present.  It's the video that matters.  The video shows that you've progressively moved forward.  

The "snapshot" of the things that drive me bonkers is miniscule compared to the incredibly blessed life that I share with my husband.

Go out without each other.  Stay in without each other. I'm pretty sure every newlywed blog that I've ever read has said this at some point. (probably because it's so true) I love my husband SO much, but it is okay to go out with your girlfriends.  Sometimes you need another perspective on life For me?  Sometimes I need Kody to go out so that I can have a night in.

I have ridiculously amazing in-laws. I know this doesn't apply to everyone, but I'm talking about things that I've learned, right? 

I hit the jackpot when I married into the Jordan family...and I didn't even realize it then.  Sure, I knew they were great, but the longer I know them, the more I realize how awesome they are.  I don't know that I have even ever heard of in-laws being as great as mine are.  I'm not kidding.  

They are supportive of us, they don't look down on us like we're still kids, they encourage us.  I love my mother-in-law...seriouslyShe is one of my favorite people I've ever met.  She is an unbelievable woman of God, she is hilarious, and she loves her family with everything she's got.  

I am blessed to be a part of the Jordan clan.

I love my husband. Yeah, I knew this before we got married.  But being that I am celebrating one year of marriage with this guy, I figured it was worth mentioning a time or two.

(So, this blog is a couple days late.  I had the majority of it written last week, and I had planned on posting this Sunday.  After a whirlwind weekend away from Kody, I decided to focus my time on him instead of my computer screen.)

We had  planned to go to a little Italian restaurant called Bambinos for dinner to celebrate 1 year of wedded bliss, but it was closed (we went the day after our anniversary which was Memorial Day).  Bambinos is the first restaurant that we ever went to together.  We had barely started talking, and my friend Denee decided to help me out and planned a group outing.  I was SO nervous, and I guess so was he because we exchanged maybe 3 words the entire night...and we were sitting across from each other at the table...nerds, I know.  I remember getting back to my dorm that night and wanting to kick myself.  I knew that I had blown any chance of hanging out with this guy again.

Then my phone buzzed.  

 "Hey i had a great time tonight we should do it again soon".  (Kody doesn't believe in punctuating texts.  I'm pretty sure the only reason the first letter was capitalized is because the phone automatically does that) And needless to say, we did.  Today we've been married for a year.  (I won't tell you about the return text that had probably like a million exclamation points... yeah, I don't know why he was attracted to me either.)

I was thinking about that story this morning, and I realized that even though this is a pretty small story, it is a pretty good illustration of Kody to me.  He is that hand at the small of your back that quietly reassures you of the strength that holds you.  In those times when I feel like I've ruined my chances or I'm not strong enough to continue, he consistently speaks truth back into me.

You are more than I could have ever have dreamed of.    
You are so patient with me.  You give me room to grow and time to pursue my dreams.  
Thank you for supporting me even when I am at my worst.   
Thank you for pursuing me at those times when I'm scared to let go of my walls.   
Thank you for noticing when situations stir up fears in my heart and for taking those tender moments to reaffirm your unconditional affection for me.   
You make me laugh.
You are joy.  I love living life next to you.
I can't wait to see what the next year holds and what the rest of our lives have in store.
I wouldn't want to be on this journey with anyone else.
Happy 1 year anniversary, babe!
I love you.


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