Wednesday, September 18, 2013

The Many Ages of Boy Crazy

You know.  I think that this blog should be called "reminiscing" or something because I think the majority of my blogs are walks down memory lane.

In keeping with that theme, do you remember what you thought about boys at different ages?  Well, I do.  My much more level headed twin thought it a waste of time to think about boys.  A career was the way to go!  I on the other hand loved romantic comedies, books with a good love story, and dreaming about my Mr. Right (some things never change).

I am going to tell you all about the crushes I had growing up complete with pictures at my various ages.

 Age: 5
Crush: Johnny M.
Crush's age: 17
Memory of/with crush: I would try to switch the name cards around at the holiday table 
so that I could sit by said crush.
My thoughts on boys in general: "I want to sit by that one!"
Why it would never work:  He was/is my cousin (stop judging, I didn't know better).

 Age: 8
Crush: Jonathan H.
Crush's age: 17
Memory of/with crush:  He kissed my cheek once.
My thoughts on boys in general: "That one is sweet!"
Why it would never work: Well, I just know it would have, but 
come on...he was WAY to old for me.

Age: 14
Crush: Josh B.
Crush's age: 15
Memory of/with crush:  Staring at him in children's church.
My thoughts on boys in general: "They don't talk to me much.  Maybe if I wear this hat
with a helicopter top that I got at the dollar store they'd like me more."
Why it would never work: I wasn't able to speak in front of him.

Age: 16
Crush: Vince L.
Crush's age: 19
Memory of/with crush:  Talking on the phone for hours and then catching
him making out with another girl at a concert he invited me to.
My thoughts on boys in general: "They make promises they don't keep."
Why it would never work:  He was a jerk.

Age: 18
Crush: John S.
Crush's age: 20
Memory of/with crush:  Him throwing a water balloon at my head, me crying
and running to my mom (when we were kids, of course), him having to apologize.
My thoughts on boys in general: "Wouldn't it be cool to marry my best
friend's brother?  That'd be like movie-making cool!"
Why it would never work:  He didn't like me back.  Come to find out, that is kind of important.

Age: 20
Crush: Kody Jordan
Crush's age: 22
Memory of/with crush:  Us not speaking for an entire dinner even though
we were sitting right next to each other.
My thoughts on boys in general: "This can't be real!!"
Why it would never work:  Well, it does actually.  We're married now.  Best decision ever.

Oh how things change and thank God that they do! :)
Have a great rest of your Wednesday!


Tuesday, September 10, 2013

The Last Month

It's been a busy month for Hot Philosophy, and I'm loving it.  Honestly, when you think about it, it probably wouldn't be considered so crazy busy, but I do have a full-time job to boot.  

Anyway, this is what I love.  So, here is a small recap of the last month with Hot Philosophy.  I have 2 more weddings that I'm finishing editing, but for now, just one picture each (see last 2 pictures).

Oh and did I mention I have 2 more engagement shoots on Saturday.  Excited would be an understatement.

Have a great Tuesday!


Tuesday, August 27, 2013

9 Parts Prep

I just heard a co-worker say, "Don't you just feel like 90% of life is about the preparation?"

I'm done.  Mind blown.

But seriously, I love finished products.  I love the final touches.  But, isn't it the preparation when the learning is done, where the memories are made, where relationships are born, where stories come from?

What would life be like if we actually started to enjoy the preparation?

I was complaining to my sister today (to which she so graciously ignored and changed subjects ;) about my life.  Yes, I know there are a million and one things to be happy about, but I'm so stuck on these few things that I can't control.  I keep thinking (read "God keeps telling me") that I need to be trusting God. 

I can just see it in my head...  I let go, God does what he does, and I'm amazed beyond belief. 

My silly will though.  It's like as much as my heart and head tell me to do something, my will doesn't obey.

A couple weeks ago, the topic of the Sunday sermon was perspective.  What if I change my perspective on my current season right now. What if I'm in preparation right now (duh, idiot).  What if this season of waiting, learning, growing, maturing, what if it is all in preparation for the season that holds all of those things that I'm seeking and can't control.  What if I started to enjoy the wait.

What if I actually learn how to balance the life that I already have before I jump ahead and drown because I never learned to swim.

I am SO preaching to myself right now.

How the heck can I expect to get my "dream" job, have kids, and live a life of financial freedom when I can't even keep my house clean and I spend $3/day on lattes?!  Don't even get me started on my attitudes lately...

It's time to start setting small goals.  It's time to start taking baby steps.

It's time to start enjoying the preparation.

Hebrews 12:1
"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us..."


p.s. If you made it this far, thanks for reading my rant!  Feel free to let me know where you're at, what you think, and what advice you have for me below... :)

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Give Me Back the High Times

I don't want to say that Kody and I have had an "easy" marriage so far.  We have had to figure out a LOT of stuff, however, the good has always outweighed the bad.

Lately, we've been hit with a lot of extra financial things that we hadn't planned on.  From trips to see family, ridiculous utility bills after family has come to stay with us, meals while on a Hot Philosophy trip, a college course needing to be taken, a new gas tank for Kody's truck (perhaps a story for another day), a new computer, the bills just keep piling up

I've been getting heart burn lately which I have NEVER ever had before.  I just feel like I'm constantly thinking about how we are going to divvy the money to cover everything.  I literally feel like I'm drowning.

I just wonder how we got here.  A few months ago, I was ecstatic because we had everything that we needed and were able to still be putting money into savings (not much, but it was still something).  I still think about how we would be doing so good if it weren't for student loans.  But would we?  We'd probably just find something else to spend the money on.

It's time to make some changes.  I'm going to try to go on a spending break...  No more lattes, no more lunches in the cafeteria, no new clothes, you get the idea...

I know that I need to give my worries to God.  I know that I need to get some things in line.  Sometimes I just don't know how to do that.

I just feel like my situation is my fault.  And it is!  I would like to say that it's just life, but I'm the one who signed up for student loans, I'm the one who moved 8.5 hours from my family, I'm the one who chose to run a freelance business that takes a ton of upkeep...

I can't just say "God, fix it!" when it was my fault that it happened anyway!

This is the most depressing post ever.  For that, I'm sorry.  I just needed to be able to write down what I'm feeling.  Now, I'll start pushing forward.


Wednesday, August 14, 2013

While I'm Waiting

This song just popped into my head called "While I'm Waiting".  I can't remember any of the other words in the song, who wrote it (for some reason I'm thinking it was by my old worship pastor), all I can hear in my head is "While I'm Waiting".

I was talking to someone a couple weeks ago about waiting.  I was being my normal melo-dramatic self, "Ugh, I just HATE waiting!"  She had a really wise thing to say in return, "Well, I don't think anyone likes waiting."

Well, duh, Linda. 

I'm over here having a pity party because MY life isn't moving at the speed that I want it to.  Yes, I'm still wishing that I had answers to different things right now, but you know what?  I'm alive.  I am breathing.  Right now.  I have a paycheck tomorrow.  I get to go home to my husband tonight and sleep in a rather comfortable bed.  All in all, life is good.

How do you rest while you wait?  Do you ignore those things that you are waiting for?  Forget about them?

I'm working on focusing on my current job(s) and trying to forget that I'm hoping for another one.

How do you stay content in your current season?


Friday, July 19, 2013

Is It Bad To Have A Plan?

Today's post might be a bit of rambling.  Let me preface this with a preview of the last month and a half...I am going on 7 weeks of unending "stuff".  Every weekend has been filled, every day has been spent at my full-time job and then at 1 of my 2 part time jobs.  I have had guests, traveled, and it has been great.  But I'm running on my fumes' fumes...


Is it bad to have a plan?  To put it drastically, I grew up learning that there is no point to planning your life because the exact opposite of whatever you plan is what is actually going to happen. 

Here is a list of examples:
Do you dream about having a family?  You will end up a career person.
Do you want to be career driven?  You will be all about family.
Do you want to be married by 20? Then if you marry, you won't get married until you're 40.
Do you  not ever want to get married or do you want to wait until you're a bit older before settling down?  You'll get married before you turn 16.
Do you want lots of kids? Sorry, you only get 1.
Do you only want 1 kid? Well, here's 9 for ya!
Do you want to parent differently than your parents?  Too bad, you're exactly the same.

I'm not kidding, these are the kinds of things that were normal in my everyday thought process.  Throw in a scripture and there is nothing you can do about it!
Isaiah 55:8
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.
 See?! (imagine a old man chuckling and shaking his head at your youth)

Now that I'm older, I think about how silly it was for me to have every been scared that my dreams would never happen simply because I dreamt them.  Even worse is that I've trapped these dreams in my head for fear that verbalizing them would solidify their demize!

Well, #1: Even if this psycho thinking were true, God sees your thoughts...duh! 

More important, however, is #2.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Praise God that that he is and has always been preparing nothing but prosperity for me and for you.  Yes, his thoughts are not my thoughts and his ways are definitely not my ways, but that in no way means that he will withhold the desires of my heart.
Proverbs 29:18
Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.
Planning?  It's a good thing.  Planning prepares you and makes you ready for the next door that is going to open.  Having a grasp of where you are going can only spur you to push on toward that goal.  Stay in alignment with the moves that the Lord has you make. Yes, I will tell you that your plan for achieving your dreams may not be the way God has it planned, but be encouraged that He has the greater plan.

I've been thinking about babies again.  It's been 11 months of no birth control, late periods, and negative pregnancy tests.  I haven't been saying that we've been trying because if I admitted out loud that we were, then I would be admitting that I have failed.  I was thinking about my thought processes and the way that I grew up thinking.  If I admit out loud that I want a child, that means that I somehow won't have one, right?  Wrong.  My ways are not your ways.  


Wednesday, July 17, 2013

The Way Things Used To Be

I loved my childhood.  I wouldn't change anything about it.  I have a great family, great memories, and it just keeps getting better.  There is only one thing that I miss, and as dumb as it might be, it's living life next to my twin, my sist in Christ, my best friend.

Seriously.  My sister and I worked stupidly hard to make our relationship the best that it could be.  Yeah, we fought, argued, yelled and then immediately laughed, cried, and laughed some more.  We both still know that there is nothing that can tear our relationship apart.  We talk every day.  We are intentionally honest with each other.  We encourage each other. 

Our relationship wasn't always as good as it is today.  High school?  Oh goodness.  I was an insecure mess trying to be what I thought she wanted me to be and in turn that just made her not like me more... HAH! Her first year away at college was a major transitioning time for me.  I finally had to figure out who I was apart from her.  When I joined her at college, she had to learn that I was a different person and I had to learn to continue being different.  It was a rough year for me.  My second year at college, we lived on the same floor.  It started rough and then got good.  My third and final year of college, we moved off campus and into an apartment together where our relationship became great. 

My side of the story: I finally learned to embraced our differences.  It's okay that I'm emotional, oozing empathy, and see things from an unassuming perspective.  It's okay that she is straightforward, fearless, and sees things as a natural born leader does.  Instead of wishing I was her, I understand that the combination of our strengths together makes us unstoppable.  Once we figured out the art of living with each other, our relationship became easy in a sense.  Not that we didn't have to work at our relationship (you always have to work at a relationship) but finally the questions were gone, and I know where I stand.

So, she lives 30 hours away now, and sadly, there is no return in sight.  How do you "start over" (for lack of a better term)?  I'm not Mrs. Outgoing.  It takes me time to warm up and "do" friendship.  I'm working on it though.  I just have to remember that it's differences that make up the best friendships.  Blog-o-spere, help a sista' out! Can I get some community?! ;)