I don't want to say that Kody and I have had an "easy" marriage so far. We have had to figure out a LOT of stuff, however, the good has always outweighed the bad.
Lately, we've been hit with a lot of extra financial things that we hadn't planned on. From trips to see family, ridiculous utility bills after family has come to stay with us, meals while on a Hot Philosophy trip, a college course needing to be taken, a new gas tank for Kody's truck (perhaps a story for another day), a new computer, the bills just keep piling up.
I've been getting heart burn lately which I have NEVER ever had before. I just feel like I'm constantly thinking about how we are going to divvy the money to cover everything. I literally feel like I'm drowning.
I just wonder how we got here. A few months ago, I was ecstatic because we had everything that we needed and were able to still be putting money into savings (not much, but it was still something). I still think about how we would be doing so good if it weren't for student loans. But would we? We'd probably just find something else to spend the money on.
It's time to make some changes. I'm going to try to go on a spending break... No more lattes, no more lunches in the cafeteria, no new clothes, you get the idea...
I know that I need to give my worries to God. I know that I need to get some things in line. Sometimes I just don't know how to do that.
I just feel like my situation is my fault. And it is! I would like to say that it's just life, but I'm the one who signed up for student loans, I'm the one who moved 8.5 hours from my family, I'm the one who chose to run a freelance business that takes a ton of upkeep...
I can't just say "God, fix it!" when it was my fault that it happened anyway!
This is the most depressing post ever. For that, I'm sorry. I just needed to be able to write down what I'm feeling. Now, I'll start pushing forward.
xoxo,
Linda
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